A while ago I spoke of a cousin who realized a dream by writing and directing a great film titled “Moments Of Clarity“.
Check it out!
It’s a very cool story about a sheltered young woman, an agoraphobic and a porn star and if that synopsis doesn’t get your attention then check your pulse!
Anyway, in her film Kristin Wallace coins the term – Anticipointment.
Which is suggested in the film as one of the perils of planning…anything.
Recently, a moment I had long since looked forward to came to pass, and I collided into the face of disappointment.
As the event ended, I found myself snapping at a person very near and dear to me.
” I was disappointed in you that we didn’t watch the credits roll or go for coffee and discuss it, and the whole performance wasn’t long enough…ok…maybe it was a couple hours, but the author could have put more effort into developing some of the players … anyway, why do we need to rush off now ?
Later, I was alone, thinking about, and feeling, disappointment.
Then it struck me, how incredibly ridiculous it is to express disappointment in someone or even some thing!
To say I’m disappointed in any thing clearly limits that very thing in the possible influences it may have in my life.
And as far as disappointment is concerned, the path by which I am most often disappointed is the one where I attempt to manage the outcome of a particular moment by gambling on the actions of people, places and things – both human and beyond – like say even weather!
The idea is, that by the end of the event I become so caught down the rabbit hole of outcomes anticipated, that I become oblivious to any other perspective other than mine.
Other non rabbit hole views might include: maybe those accompanying me were simply not feeling well and wanted to go. Or shockingly to me, maybe they had different outcomes planned.
Furthermore, I was so “bought into the illusions of my fantasized outcomes” that I allowed the imagined outcomes to become the only benchmark to which I would identify the event as “A success”
Clearly, this promises to manifest an extremely narrow vision of success and will by exclusion result in a shallow life experience.
Of course, it’s natural for me to have hopes and even to visualize an outcome, but where I get into trouble is when that outcome becomes the only outcome that will satisfy me.
When that happens I am limiting myself as to how any other outcome might even be better for me or those around me that I love.
Some of us get this, “going with the flow“.
Is it coincidence that they who seem adept at this flow thing, are also the ones who seemingly enjoy each moment?
Could their serenity arise because they choose to position themselves into a witnessing perspective, even in the balcony seats, rather than insisting upon experiencing the performance from the conductors rostrum.
Often we are told “it’s alright to be disappointed- its perfectly natural”
I guess …if disappointment is your goal.
But from where I sit expecting a bunch of people to respond to an experience in the same way I anticipated leaves me with the image of herding cats.
However, if I could learn a life hack that might help diminish how the misdirection of my disappointment impacts others,than perhaps I could stem the contagious epidemic of disappointment!
Bad news is- the only source of disappointment truly lies in my habit of confusing the manifestation through visualization and the illusion of attaching myself to one exclusive outcome for any particular moment in time.
This only results in chaining all participants to my outcome and crossing fingers and toes that they all walk on the stage and play the roles as I choreographed in my limited view.
And rarely does this manifest an award winning moment .